everything with me could be better. i'm happy and all, yeah. but not completly. for some reaosn i just feel so empty.
i haven't ever been this quiet in my life, i feel so outta place at creek. i hate it. i don't believe i messed up what a great thing i had at ATC. i left everyone behind. and now, i'm just like fuck it. i've sent messages, i've called a couple people and i've sent messages on myspace. i've done my part but they're not answering me. it really makes me wonder if anything there was real..

alex. alex alex alex. damn. it's like i can't go a fucking day without thinking of him. i try to deny. i try really hard. but it doesn't work. i know how i feel but thankfully i'm the only one that knows this.

dayjah. we've officially drifted. i'm happy she's got a great life tho. really i am. i'm not a bitter bitch i'm just upset because i miss her. yeah, i still see her but it's never the same. when she comes she comes for a couple minutes. and then when she is there she's really mean. i miss being able to see her vulnerable side. the one where she'd come to my house all upset and leave with the biggest smile because we had a great time together. but once again, fuck it right?

and then there's myself. i don't know who i am anymore. i did know but now i'm wondering if i was really ever that person. new year's i was somebody so totally different from my normal self. but i liked her better than this me. this me is so miserable. the new year's me? God i was soo happy that night. i couldn't have imagined a better way to bring in the new year then with my best friend. and it was amazing. i was so happy. so carefree. i didn't give a fuck for one night. i didn't look at the negatives, only the positives and i was the happiest i had ever been.

and then there's my knee. causes more problems than anything. i just want the surgery to get it over with but if there's a chance i may never be able to, well to be myself, then i don't. i'm in physical therapy right now for it. but people are always doubting me. fuck it, right? like if i complained all the time, i'd get annoying. and i hate complaining. i hate poeple feeling sorry for me. i hate taking self-pity in myself. but yes i will do something one day and then when i'm aksed to do again i can't. i physically can't.
like riding a mutha fucking bike. climbing stairs. squatting. lunges. sitting criss-cross. jeez, that list goes on an on. i have more things that i can't do then what i can do.
nd now i have this thing. it's a pole and it goes where the two knee bones meet at the cartiledge. it hurts. a lot. nd i hate it so much. but i need to keep it on all day everyday unless i'm sleeping and showering!

FUCK IT ALL!

Current Mood: crushed

-As of November 1st any WWE talent that fails the Drug test will have their names released to the media.

-November 5th, Family Fued will be Boys vs. Girls. the male superstars: Ric FLair, Mr. Kennedy, Batista nd Coach. The diva contestents: Layla, Candice Michelle, Michelle McCool, and Maria.

-ECW’s Elijah Burke was on the Halloween special live edition of Ghosthunters on the Sci-Fi Network. According to reports, half an hour before the show ended, Elijah Burke flipped out and screamed like little girl and started running. He was supposedly "touched" on his back.

-Brooke from Extreme Expose has been released as of today, November 1.

-If you live in Florida, then tomorrow WWE Superstar and former champion Edge will be hitting all the FYE stores to promote the sales of Survivor Series in November.

That's the latest news circulating.
As for my personal days nd shit, that'll be comming later.
I've got to head to the H&H now.
Peace in the Middle East.

-ROBBiE JEN<3


"Somewhere Something incredible is waiting to be known."

i GUESS WE'LL START WiTH WRESTLiNG SiNCE iT iS THURSDAY.
  Where to start? Booker T and Sharmell are no longer in the WWE. they should have been removed from the WWE website. That is the actual reason to the sign confiscation on Monday night's RAW. Shawn Davari has been released as well. Shawn Michaels returned one month ahead of time and had a major altercation with the Vince McMahon. Vince was making fun of Michaels infront of the talent backstage. Everyone was left speechless when Michaels encountered the verbal attack and held his own against McMahon. He was the first to do that in a while. That's about all I can think of considering I haven't seen the show in almost three weeks. Oh! And ECW is coming to an end again. Sci-fi isn't extending the contract so they're going to make Smackdown! the new home of ECW basically is what the report had said. That sucks that ECW rose nd is now going to fall all over again.

NOW WELCOME BACK iNTO MY LiFE.
   So i saw Legally Blonde the Musical nd it was simply amazing. I'm listening to it now which is why i thought of it. lol. but yuh so let's see. school is good i guess. i really buckled down nd if i can keep this up i'll be just fine =] ever since i started reading this one series for some reason i started really getting into my school work. lol idk. but umm yeah my book is coming along amazingly. i'm on chapter 10 but kinda of at a loss as to what should happen. ugh i hate writers block.
   I been home for 2 days with a stomach virus but i'm excited to go back to school tomorrow. idk why. i guess i just miss everybody. omg. sam isn't moving anymore! gosh i don't believe how happy i am finally. i don't understand what i did to make things so great but things happened. maybe becuz i've finally held true to my own word nd am living only to please myself and that i'm keeping my word to anderson. it's grreatt. but speaking of anderson i can't seem to ever get him off my mind. nobody's death has ever had this affect on me. it's the reason why i could go from laughing to crying. becuz im always thinking about him nd i can't stop. i don't believe i still cry over it like it happened yesterday. i remember it like it was yesterday. but moving on.
   i'm going to bed now since it's almost 10. i'll watch now nd then while i fall asleep nd i think i'll call alex now.
   so bye loves.
   


   peace in the middle east.
   ROBBiE<3

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
   "Hope is a waking dream." -Aristotle

Current Mood: content

but at a later time in this entry i'll give u ur wrestling fix  but first let's make this personal before national ;]

so far, this weekend has been amazing nd i don't expect tomorrow to make it worse. I'm going to the h&h nd i just can't wait. but i have to wake up at 630 for it =/ that's a bummer. so lemme tell you about this weekend:

FRiDAY:
 School wasn't too bad. it went pretty quick nd was a relatively nice day. then i got dropped off at sammie's house which was just utterly amazing. the highlights were: shane nutting everywhere (lmao. loooonnng story), going on the roof nd watching them jump off, trying to fall alseep that night, talking on the phone before falling asleep to rodney nd joey nd i think i just might have talked to alex for a few, talking to a druk nick.

SATURDAY:
 We woke up nd talked to a couple different people immediatly upon awaking, got ready for the park, went to the park nd waited for derek nd rodney, dropped my phone after ramming into samantha on the swing (lmao i just started laughing out loud for that one haha), took silly string nd bombed the boys when they got there, chilled, talked about straightening nd braiding rodney's hair but then the fucker played football nd got sweaty so we didn't, went back to sam's house, had really hot chicken.. one wing nd my mouth was burning so bad!! after that we were gunna go swimming but shane broke the baby gate to the pool nd rob nd him start blaming it on me when i wasn't even near there (those bastards) nd then got kicked out of sams house nd sent back to the park. got picked up a little after 6 and went home for all of 3 seconds to change before rushing out the door to go to oktoberfest with melissa nd her family which was simply amazing. we went on the tilt-a-whirl 3 times cuz it was our favorite nd then we went on that ride where it's the swings nd it just goes in a circle nd got really dizzy nd hated it.  came home, took a shower nd now im here doing this talking to alexyz on aim.

TOMORROW/TODAY (SiNCE iT iS 12:06)
 Waking up at 630ish to go to the H&H, which sucks but is totally worth it. won't be home until between 1 nd 2. then i just have a relazing day at home.

when i was on the roof, i thought so much. i picked a person nd i thought about them. of course the first person i thought about was Anderson. i just don't believe that he left before he came, ya know? nd i don't understand why it's affecting me so much. i never held him, talked to him, saw his heartbeat, nothing. the only thing i saw was this picture of him when he was the size of a strawberry nd i was like ew that's the baby? nd then laughed at myself becuz ppl love that stuff. idk maybe becuz after all he was my nephew. i remember the day i found out i was at the pool nd i was so happy i had nothing to say except to screm nd i couldn't stop smiling. nd then i remember counting down until the day we'd find out if the baby was gunna be a boy or a girl nd then that night my mom tells me he died in her stomach. that news kust damn near killed me. i cried myself to sleep that night. i never had before nd i never will again. but 2 days later i was still crying over it. i went to school nd had cried like 745375982 times in 7 hours. it was just terrible. i also thought about alex like i always do. it seems like alex nd anderson are the only 2 ppl i think about daily. it sucks.

but i lied about the wrestling part. i'm going to bed. i have to be up early.

peace in the middle east
ROBBiE<3

ROBYN'S QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Some times things have to fall apart to fall into place

Current Mood: thinking too hard nd too much
Current Music: nothing

now you're gone and i wonder why. day after day, no matter what i'm doing or how i'm feeling i'm thinking about you. i wonder why you left me here again and again. I know you're never coming back but i hope you can hear me. I'm waiting to hear from you but until i do you're gone and i won't be moving on so wait for me. i know one day i'll get to see you and hold you close. A part of me has gone with you.

I'll meet you there, no matter where life takes me too. And even tho i need you here, i'll meet you there. i wish i could be able to tell you the things i keep inside but now it's clear it's just too late. I hope you can hear me, this is good-bye, one more time.


There's no such thing as death. Just a change of worlds.

I know you're living life after death.

In death, we all become our perfect self.

THE POEM THAT HELPED ME GET THROUGH:
Don't think of him as gone away.
His journey has just begun.
Life holds so many facets.
This earth is only one.

Just think of it as resting
From the sorrows and the tears
In a place of warmth nd comfort
Where there are no days or years.

Think how he'd be wishing
That we could know today
How nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away.

And think of him as living
In the hearts of those he touched.
For nothing loved is ever lost
And he was loved so much.



PEACE IN THE EAST
ROBBiE

WRESTLiNG:
last night was the biggest upset of my life. First, randy orton comes out nd hes champ. he then defends it against Mr. Paul Levesque, aka HHH, who wins. i'm happy. he then defends it against great khali nd keeps it. i'm still happy. randy orton calls for a re-match nd wins it back. UNHAPPY! do u know how upsetting this all is to me? gosh. i hate the creative writers. lol. but anywho, do we know what match we're going to keep our eyes peeled for? that's right. a re-re-match between Paul nd Randy. it should be a real knocker..

LIFE:
dayjah. omg. we're straight again. everything is normal again. it's so great that i literally started crying. i have never cried happy tears, nd she popped that cherry. we chilled yesterday nd then had a great phone conv this morning that made my batt go dead, thank u dayjah! lmao but omg. i dont believe i ever thought she was gunna hate me forever.

but that's about it. my life is going great!! so there's no drama.

oh wait! there was almost a fight at atc today! can u believe it?! an actual fight at that [[whack]] school!! lmao im dumb yes but u know ur excited too ;]

Current Location: home =]
Current Music: j. holiday - suffocate

Well, the sports idols that have impacted my life would be Stacy Keibler, the ex WWE diva. i was reading something on her the other night and it said that she is all real. she doesn't have silicone parts and i respect that so much because she doesn't want them and she's just a highly respectable person. she did good in both the WWE nd Dancing With the Stars that I just love her to death. Plus not to mention she is strikingly beautiful <3

<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i238/jose_juarez91766/Stacy%20Keibler/stacy-keibler-1024x768-5645.jpg" border="0" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket"></a> 

Tags: hpextremesports, sports, what do you have to say?, writer's block

Ok so this is gunna be a new weekly or bi-weekly (haven't decided yet) pure wrestling blog thing. if u don't like wrestling then that's great don't read it. if you do then this is for you losers =]

THE LATEST ON THE BIG NAME SUPERSTARS:
1st nd foremost is the WWE champion John Cena. He is gunna be benched for his pectoral muscle that is completly unattached. he will be out for 6-8 months and due to this he will have to surrender his title. he isn't shceduled for any near future shows.

2nd: of course the one the only Adam Copeland aka Edge. he is supposed to make a guest appearance at no mercy i believe.. whichever one is this sunday nd he will be interferring in the Punjabi Prison Match between the great khali and batista. my guess is he is supposed to beat up. he is definitely returning at survivor series in november. he is the only person on the promotional banner nd he is holding a chainsaw. word!

3rd: kurt angle got arrested for DUI and he failed miserable on his test nd he had pills of somesort in his mouth.

4th The Undertaker is going to have that SARA tatoo that's on his neck photoshopped out on the cover nd in the new wwe magazing for the month of november. the sources haven't said weather that is just for promotional purposes or if the undertaker and sara have, in fact, split. i would personally cry if they did. they been together since as far back as i could remember!!

ummm let's see what else is there.. nothing really at the moment. but ill continue nd if anything important comes up i will post it so check every so often =]

PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST
ROBBiE

Quote of the day:  "There is nothing impossible to him who will try." -Alexander The Great

Tags: wrestling
Current Location: my hizzouse =]
Current Mood: crazy
Current Music: suffocate - J. Holiday

 so yesterday me nd melissa went to tradewinds park in order to find out about horseback riding. that was a 30 minute ride or so. mind you we were riding our bikes. ok so we make it to the horse stable nd actually apply for our way of earning service hours: Horses for Handicap. we start friday. then on our way back we decided to go to McDonald's and get a lil something cuz we were famished. so that was a 20 minute ride. We're now up to the bike for 50 minutes plus standing nd waling the horse place so that's an hour. after McD's we go through the township to get home. we wind up going around the main circle cuz we missed our turn. so we rode for two miles. About 45 minutes. We're up to 1:45 minutes. Then we decided to just fuck it nd take the main road home which was 15 minutes. 2 hours!! nd on the last stretch right outfront CP, we get beat up by bushes. i now have the most painful throbbing in my legs nd i have 2 scratches on my leg nd one on my shoulder region. it hurt but we had an adventure.

and i can't freaking wait for friday. nd i'm also thinking of applying for a job at butterfly world. its across the street nd it will pay me something so i might just take it. but anyways i got homework nd shit to do now. plus i think im gunna do yoga today instead of the gym. i hurt too much. leave love here nd on the myspace.

peace in the middle east
ROBBiE JEN


QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"When one commits oneself to the struggle, it must be for a lifetime." -Angela Davis, Activist.

Current Location: home.
Current Mood: sore

but here goes nothing. i'll try nd stay organized even though my mind is everywhere.

let's start off with amber nd jerome. i have never been more mad or disappointed by them nd i have never felt so betrayed by anyone as i do now. what they did was wrong in more ways then one. they had no right nd they didn't think of the ppl they were gunna hurt. i'm tired of the apologies nd im especially tired of constatnly fighting with jerome. the movie got boring my fucking ass. u could have shut it off or done other things. poor andy. i know he's taking this harder then any of us =[ im sorry boo. i still love ya =]

now alex. ugh. alex alex alex. he gets me so fucking mad. he acts like he never lied and he loves playing dumb. wait, no. he's not playing. he really is that dumb. u know what u lied about nd ill give u a hint: 3 mother fucking years! i dont have time for ur bullshit but everytime i finally almost can go without tlking to u we have some of the best conversations nd then it leads me here to syaing i cant stand u nd the bullshit u bring around. i have enough. i dont need from u. it's time i move on to bigger nd better things.

today was a really boring day nd i only talked to my baby girl for like 20 minutes and then she had to go. ugh. stupid. so yuh other then those 3 i really have nothing to say but i been in a daze all day. like- i feel like i should get bad news or something.. idk. its weird. maybe it's just cuz it's raining..

alright well that's all for today.

peace in the middle east =]

ROBBiE JEN


p.s.- Adam comes back to SD! nd wrestling on November 24 i think it is.. whenever survivor series is. i can't wait =]

 

Current Location: home nikka
Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: nothing